Sunday, January 15, 2017

How to make a better online dating profile

Since I met my wife online, and people see us as an 'ideal' couple, I'm often asked by my single friends on tips to survive to the online dating world. I try to point people to Tinder, but that isn't that popular in my age range (mid 30's), and most of my friends are using the tried and true sites like Match, eHarmony, and OkCupid.

The first question I ask my friends is: "What is your headline and the first sentence in your description?" The response is always the same, with the headline just being a brief description of themselves, such as "33 Year Old History Teacher"; the description always starts with something they love, like their friends, family or the New England Patriots.

At that point, I know enough information to get started. On a dating site with thousands of profiles, you are not going to be found being ordinary. To get clicked on, you need to

1. Surprise your reader
2. Sell your soul

How to surprise your reader
Becoming unique is quite simple: all you have to do is the opposite of what similar people in your range are saying. Finding out this information is straightforward. Go to the search function and search for yourself. If you are a 33-year-old male, making 75-100K, living in Roxbury, raised as a Protestant with a Democrat/liberal affiliation then search on:

  • Gender: Male
  • Salary: 75-100k
  • Location: Roxbury
  • Religion: Protestant
  • Political Affiliation: Democrat

The search results are your competition. I just did this and guess what I found?  The same boring info I described above.  To make yourself stand out write anything different that will catch the person's eye when they scan the headlines: "Starting out like Malcolm X"* or "I have a better plan than the Russian's to expose Trump"**.

The same applies to your description. Don't drone on with a bunch of cliches on how much you love your family and friends, Write something that will surprise them. When I wrote mine, I literally wrote the opposite of abovementioned cliches:  "I despise laughing; I abhor my one friend. " The line sounds evil, but people wanted to know how it will resolve later on!

How to sell your soul
Think of yourself like an onion; you have multiple layers and often only show the outer layer. The outer layer is nothing new, it just how you present yourself. The next layer is your actions: what you do like your job, and on the weekends. The next layer is what is important. It is your core beliefs that don't always show to new people. I know people are hesitant about showing this, but fuck it; you are trying to meet someone to marry!

To find out what the person should really talk about I ask (or know) this question: "What was the topic of conversation the last time you spoke to your best friend". In my friends case he was thinking about quitting his corporate job to be come a sommelier. Thus his profile became a funny story on how he was trying to get a job as an alchoholic.

I've presented the tips about surprise your reader and selling your soul online to about 14 people in the last 7 years. My track record is 5 people what went on to marry the person they might online!

*Roxbury, MA is where the Malcolm Little (AKA Malcolm X) lived as a young boy; he turned his life around after being arrested in Cambridge, MA
**Since most Democrats hate Trump, a line like this will work.



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